I learnt the trait of independence from my mum, who gave me lessons in person on how to be steely and independent when I was a child girl. Even though we had a lot of quarrels in my adolescence and I was strongly against her dominating parenthood, I eventually turned out to be an independent person – exactly like her, as my dad described.
My mum is a capable woman who can always effectively arrange everything in order. She’s recognized as successful by her co-workers, but pitiful woman in marriage from my stand. I swore that I would never be in the same tragedy like her when she crying heavily on my shoulder and complaining my dad’s coldness. I don’t wanna judging her too much, but the masses of my parents’ problems originated from her hard characters in large extent.
So I always have doubts on IS BEING TOO INDEPENDENT A GOOD THING?
Independence is defined by me as being independent characteristically, economically and emotionally. Characteristically, I always do things on my own (not in study or jobs) if I assure that I’m able to handle them well. In fact, I’m not too shy to ask for help but for the reason of avoiding to be other’s burden. Economically, I get used to make clear with friends in moneys, even with intimate friends. Emotionally, I tried to not get involved in any relationships too much if there seems no future.
Ironically, sometimes It’s hard, and also sad for me to work towards these rules. As I was told by my ex that he felt like I didn’t need him by my side because of my strong independence, I felt like something was breaking deep inside of my heart. I didn’t expect that intention of avoiding of being someone’s burden would result in the sense of distance.
remark: The vote regarding "Am i an independent person?"
Obviously, from the above vote on my xiaonei.com page (it’s like “Chinese facebook”), entitled “Am I an independent person?”, majority of my friends (89%) responded YES while the rest 11% considered NO.
“You can’t bear loneliness, can you?”, one of my intimate friends said, ”That’s why I thought you’re not independent enough, especially in the subject of emotions.”
“It’s nature that showing steely side to strangers but weak side to close friends. Take it easy.”
……
Yes, In most cases, I’m indeed an independent person. However, is it a good thing or bad? I’m still not quite sure about it. Or maybe it depends on persons you’ve met – if he/she would appreciate your independence.
Find a balance!
Nice to have you writing on IfGoGo!
I agree with Aw.
Any virtue, such as "independence", can be a fault if taken to an extreme. Perhaps you should consider how you feel when you are "interdependent" with others. Do you feel at risk? Do you feel like they have some power over you? What feelings does it create? Perhaps you should put yourself into situations where you are not independent and force yourself to stay in that position for a while to explore how you react. Over time, you can make a more conscious decision about how independent you want to be, and not be controlled by you past and your upbringing.
Can't see your pic...
Anyway, by definition, 'too' something is always bad. It is bliss/sadness that a otherwise perfectly independent person cannot stand being alone emotionally. Some people have it that people behave cold and reserved in front of strangers because they feel insecure within. I'm not sure whether it applies in your case. But cheer up! The world is big enough for you to find a bf that fits with your independence/dependence pattern. Have faith and keep looking.
Actually, i'm in a new relationship now. Before we were together, my bf told me that he do appreciate my independence. Generally we're doing fine, but sometimes we still got problams, and i'm wondering does it cause by my strong characters or we just need time to find out the right way of getting along with each other....
I guess that there's no break-proof relationship, which means we all have to work hard everyday to maintain it. It's not rocket-science, though. Good luck :)
Generally, I believe independence is not a bad character, even for a girl. Maybe, this would cause problems in a dating relationship or marriage. U know, men also like the feeling of being strong and important, especially in front of a cute girl he loves. Maybe you need a big man, and then your independent character will not be a problem at all. Take it easy and be yourself. Hopefully, u have a happy life.
From my perspective, at some extent, it was the result of lacking sense of security.
Perhaps, you absolutely need enough exchange your opinions that have been hidden in you deeply heart with your good friends .
But, take it easy.
I LOVED this post.. I find being independent EXCELENT. It lets you go chasing your dreams without anyone else's opinion affect you and it lets you do what you think its right, rather than doing whatever everyone elses does.
However, its also true that we (independent people) need to find a balance because sometimes we wont realize that the people we love might think we don't care or we don't need them when in fact we do. So even if not within your own nature to be attached to someone, we need to learn how to express our love and feelings; so that way people around us can understand that being independent does not mean that you're careless about them.